I recently came to the conclusion that the key to my learning so much this year is paying close attention. Awareness, as Nick would say it.
The key
July 5, 2009Benton Fraser madness
July 5, 2009I’ve talked about my admiration and connection to Benton Fraser before.
Today I’m remembering some Benton Fraser moments.
I used to have the next two tracks on my mp3 player and know them by heart. They always seemed to mix together in a truly beautiful way.
The first one is Fraser’s Inuit Soliloqui (which was a tad shorter on my mp3, like til he ends his speech).
The second is Elvis Presley’s Amazing Grace:
As we’re on the Benton Fraser subject… I also remembered his love connection with Victoria. The beautiful Melina Kanakaredes (Victoria) is the only woman Benton loved in a romantic way. 
Here’s a nice video on the Victoria’s secret episode, an episode in which he meets her again after ages:
And to end this remembrance episode, here’s what happened at the end of Victoria’s secret (with dialogue). And I cried for it.
OoOoOoO baby
July 4, 2009This is the second text in the “moments of my life” cathegory.
It’s raining and I miss him. Haven’t missed him this bad in ages. But I’m listening to Belinda Carlisle’s – Heaven is a place on earth… And this song simply says his name, together with the rain outside. I feel like poofing myself. As in getting a magic wand and poofing all around me so I’d make myself all better and turn back time. For all the love, the aromas, the gorgeous rainy mornings, the feeling of greatness. For the dream, for that perfect moment that I totally screwed up. And I’m biting my lip thinking all that greatness must be stashed somewhere inside of me. In one little place. A place that will never be open for visits again. Not necessarily because I don’t want to, but because finding what I found then… Well that’s very hard and highly unlikely. Looking left, looking right. Freezing. Freeze. Right there. Don’t move one muscle. Can you feel it all over again? That precious moment when you were… in love?
Right now I’d give pretty much anything to turn back time. Actually this has been going on for over a year. For different reasons, but even so, in the past two years, there’ve been only two reasons (which I won’t mention right now) for which I wanted to turn back time. I never wanted to turn back time before.
I miss him. I really do. With all his greatness, energy, goodness and every part of him.
But I miss him in a very good way. It almost doesn’t hurt. It’s like remembering the most beautiful thing from the past. You’re a bit sad that it’s not here anymore, but nevertheless happy that you had a chance at experiencing something so great. Someone so great.
And it all started with someone at the supermarket who smelled of two days old musk oil (left open). Funny how one scent can bring back so many memories. And even funnier that I’ve never used that scent with him, nor did he smell like that. But the scent brought back thoughts of misty rainy mornings. One thing led to another and here I am yet again. 
And yeah… That’s about it. Sorry for posting once every blue moon. Also if you feel like listening the two songs reminding me of him, they can be found here.
What else? Nothing. I just wish I could carve this feeling into my heart, even if it would hurt having it all the time yet lacking his presence.
And a white rose bouquet… For him. For all the moments he made me feel like Heaven was a place on earth. For all the beautiful things he showed me. For all the times I felt my heart found perfection. For all the beautiful memories. For him never ceasing to amaze me. For him being a prince. For the undying hope for goodness he seeded in my heart. For him granting me the shot at knowing such goodness exists. For all those things and so much more… I love you. In the purest way ever.
Michael Madsen newsflash
June 30, 2009The gorgeous Michael Madsen has changed his website a bit. And went from the guy who never reads e-mails, to the guy answering questions from fans in cool chat. That’s simply lovely. You can find the chat here, and the main page of the website here.
Unfortunately I find myself unable to ask him any questions at this time. Especially because he said: no “stupid” questions. LOL And I suppose “Will you marry me?” would count for a stupid question (he’s already married too lol). 
So would “Why are you so amazing?”
Yadda yadda yadda… Yeah.
You’ll also learn great new things about him (he’s even greater than I thought him to be) from the chat, like the fact that he’s an Elvis fan and listens to Sinatra. Love ya, Michael!
Quickie on Jackson
June 30, 2009Now I’ve never been a Michael Jackson fan. I too grew up with his music for one reason or the other (as Naicu would say it), I too sang to it and loved the way he moved, but I wasn’t a fan.
However today, when posting the songs of the day, one of which is Billie Jean, I chose a you tube version with a still screen, no view of Michael, on purpose.
Chose that one because I realized that once I closed my eyes I could see him dance. Can you? Of course you can.
As I said before, whether you were a fan or not, there’s no way Michael Jackson didn’t touch your life. And that… Well that’s immense. It’s what phenomenons do.
He will be missed, yet again.
Flaming star and Billie Jean
June 30, 2009We’ve got two songs of the day. I just woke up and heard both, one after the other, in my mind, of course. Read more »
Quotes of the day
June 29, 2009First quote is:
“Panic is optional” – TUZIO’s status
Second quote:
“Embrace the failure; it’s not the opposite of success, it’s a necessary component. The opposite of success is sitting still.” – Wikihow
Memento
June 27, 2009I must remember to speak about sequels.
At dah movies
June 27, 2009Yesterday I’ve been to the movies.
Haven’t been to the cinema in a while now and a few days ago I started dreaming about the toffee popcorn.
So yesterday I was rushing to catch Night at the museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. And rushing to catch the toffee popcorn. And also the nachos.
See for the past two months or so, I’ve been desperately craving for those 
nachos. But the prices there are quite high and I could never quit on the popcorn, nor could eat so much. But one thing has been settled: I’ll never again have the regular popcorn without getting the toffee too . Even if I only make it to one movie per month. The taste… The way the sweet embraces the salty… The way they crack and pop and melt in yer mouth… It’s just unbelieveable. It’s made the whole movie experience even better.
So I was rushing through the Mall, thinking “Sweet Moses, I’m so close to the 
toffee… So close.” And rushing to see Ben Stiller.
See I don’t like Ben Stiller. There’s something about him that makes me not like him. I don’t know exactly what it is, maybe the fact that I don’t find him appealing as a man. But I simply, simply have to see all his movies. It doesn’t even matter if they’re good or bad. I just have to see them. It’s an urge I can’t stop.
Now I’ve seen the first “Night at the musem” and I didn’t find it to be great. But I’m still desperate about seeing the second one. All I could think about the past few days was feeling the toffee melting in my mouth whilst watching Ben Stiller. LOL Am I sick or sick yet again?
And in spite of not being able to embrace Stiller (because I actually like him
although I don’t, if you could ever understand that), my no 1 comedy ever is “There’s something about Mary”. But hey… The script was amazing. 
Funny thing is though that my other no 1 comedy ever (as I can’t put it on the second place, I simply can’t) is Meet the parents. Another Ben Stiller one. But hey, the script was also amazing and there was De Niro in it too, with the “cat milking” thing…LOL Oh who the hell am I kidding… Ben Stiller is an amazing comedy actor. It’s either that or he got so deep into my brain with those two amazing flicks that I’m simply drawn to him.
So gettin’ to the final part… I got to the ticket booth, only to learn that the movie had started 30 minutes ago.
So there was like no other movie I wanted to see for the next two hours or so… What to do, what to do? No Stiller, no poppy, no nothing. 
Now I only just admitted on a forum that I totally dislike Nicolas Cage. The only movie I liked him in was “City of Angels” and even then I thought they could’ve contracted someone else for the part. And I did like Connair too, but I won’t admit to that again. LOL I’m sorry I don’t like Nick, but I just don’t.
However, of all the flicks at the mall, in the next two hours from my arrival, the only flick I could actually be forced to see without shooting myself was one with Nick Cage called Knowing. So then I thought… Hell… I drove to here… I’m here… I want the toffee… The movie probably ain’t so bad, but it’s with Nick… Uhmm… Uhmmm… Well… Should I? Could I? Would I? OH FINE. The toffee won.
So I went in and saw the movie with this huge tray holding regular popcorn, toffee popcorn, nachos and coke. LOL They were all looking at me like I was a weirdo, not that I’m not. And for the first time I ate throughout the movie. I usually only eat til half time. LOL I ate til I couldn’t eat no mo.
And “Knowing”, as expected, wasn’t that bad. It’s actually a pretty cool flick,
although it does resemble “The day the earth stood still” a lot. It’s got better parts than the previously mentioned flick, but it doesn’t have the… Kee-anuuuuuuu. Mrrroar. However, although the Nick bothered me a bit, I made it… And the movie’s ending, well a small part of it… Well I found it to be totally absurd, but hey…
However I’m still Stillerless. And I am sobbing on that. I need to see the damn man. You hear that man? YOU DAMN MAN. LOL
Moments of my life
June 27, 2009* Today I felt the need of bumping into the beast. So I bumped into it, giving it a nudge. It’s not only today I felt the need to do that. I usually spank it, when I pass by it. I can’t help it. It’s so round and I’m under the impression that it looks just like me. Am I sick? So what if I am? It’s bloody gorge.
* Yesterday, whilst waiting in traffic for the green light, a gentleman in the car next to me was trying to get my attention. When he finally got it, he
started showing me that I needed to put my belt on. LOL So I said… WHAAAAAAAA???? And he continued signaling something like: That’s right, please fasten your seatbelt. LOL And then he showed me thumbs up. So then I said: WTH… I’ll bloody fasten it. And so I did. Then I signaled: There, happy? LOL And he raised his thumb again and smiled.
Now I don’t know what that was all about, but I know it never happened to me before, although I don’t always fasten my seatbelt. People usually just signal things like “you have to turn your lights on” or “your tire is flat”, etc. As for yesterday’s event, I just took it as: You’re too pretty to die because of dis. LOL Me and my sick imagination yet again. PMSL. The good samaritan.
* Lately I’ve been blabbing the wrong way some more. I hate it, but I just can’t help it. I find myself saying all sorts of stupid things to all sorts of people. And the worst is when I say them to people I really care about. So, even if I don’t get to say “sorry” to the people, I’m sending “sorry” to the Universe now. I’m sorry.
*Also lately I feel strong and alert. I know exactly what I want and when I want it. I hope this will go on.
