An erratic post, as usual…
As they say, ignorance is bliss (sometimes), and I am tired of these thoughts – and will try and stop them for a while.
I will try and drown myself in simple things.. Like a breath, a good word, a sun beam, a good game, and so on.
Quick thought… I sometimes miss the rabbits and birds and wondrous world. Sigh. Fewer thoughts on this lately. The angel said it would happen.
Getting back to the post…
I’ve been dreaming about peace and quiet. About Tibet. I have no idea what Tibet is about or if I’d like it there, but they all say they go there when they want to find peace…
After my kindness experiment, which ended quite abruptly, I desired a quietness experiment.
As I didn’t conclude the kindness one, I’ll share its conclusions now.
I didn’t manage to be kind for a week.
In the awkward and fast days I even forgot of the experiment.
I have discovered that in some situations I just won’t be kind. Heck, there are lots of times when I ain’t kind to myself either so, yeah… I’m probably too egotistical to be kindness itself.
So even if I ain’t kind to myself lots of times and am my harshest judge and worst enemy, that’s my right.
But I’ve discovered I love myself too much to allow everything to hit me.
Somewhere in the process I have decided that I do not want to hurt anyone, myself included.
Therefore if someone hurts me or I hurt them, I’d rather leave, insteada hit.
Even if me leaving causes them an amount of pain, as phylosophy says… It’s for the greater good.
I desperately hunger for quietness.
I totally dislike high tones and sometimes wonder where would this world go if everyone yelled all the time.
Where would it go if everyone would hit everyone else?
I have no desire to hit anyone. Actually I do have the desire, but I don’t want to hit anyone. Does that make any sense?
I might even hate some people, but I don’t want to hurt them.
I just want to be left alone and 99% of the vocal speaking cease for a while.
Some people who love me and whom I care about are apalled by my desire for quietness and believe I’m anti social. LOL
They can’t possibly understand it as a normal desire. Why? Because if you don’t want to see nor hear them, it simply means you don’t love them. How silly… I think.
Funnily enough though, there are a few people I enjoy hearing. Extremely few, but characteristics are:
They are kind. They only speak of pleasant things. They never raise their tone. Their voice pracitcally embraces and comforts you… And again… And again…
Sometimes I don’t want to hear them, because I’m afraid I might hurt them, being somewhat troubled and stressed lately.
But most times I hunger for their presence and the way they bring a world of good.
For the way they never raise their tone, not even when they’re pissed off.
For the way they always manage to hug you, even if they’re not in their best mood, or need a hug themselves.
For each and every way they light up a day, days I don’t even recognize myself sometimes.
I bow and thank them. They should be covered in goodness.
When will my quietness experiment start though? I have no idea… It doesn’t seem to be having a shot on that too soon.
We’ll see.
Shhhhhhh…
