The second quote comes from a Robin Williams stand up comedy show on HBO, but I can’t find it and obviously don’t know it by heart so I’ll paraphrase. He was talking about an alcoholic having a drink, but I think it can easily be applied to any strong addiction. He said something like…

Having a drink (indulging in your addiction) is like going on top of a really tall building and looking down. Your logic tells you “step away from the edge”, but there’s always a little voice inside you that whispers “jump !”…… “You can fly ! ” “jump !”

Today I’ve sent a text to a competition. I can’t help but thinkin’ I’m not going to win it, but… I just wish someone would say it’s a good text. And nobody can read it around here, cause it’s not in English… Hey… HEYYYYYYYYY…

See I take pride in what I write, because, well not necessarily here but, mostly I try and make it perfect. I try and write it as good as I can, and modify it a thousand times, so when I read it the last time I say: This is a good text. Not excellent, because I ain’t got sufficient skills nor culture, but good. And again that’s why I once stopped writing. Because I kept on checking everything a thousand times. Anyhew (well I’ve learnt it’s anywho, but I’ll still say anyhew, so there)…

I want someone to say my text is good.

Well anyway, the prize is two tickets to London and I’m gonna find out that I didn’t win them on uhm, uhm… On the 17th of April I think. So there ya go.

*

I keep on struggling in a vicious cycle I allowed myself to be drawn in.  It’s been happening for ages and I know it’s in my ability to stop it, but I have somehow reached the point where I have other priorities. Which is quite awkward as my life should be my first priority.

And I so wish I could take my own advice, but hey… I just keep going. And I was 15 just yesterday. LOL Yeah. Jus’ yesterday.

And it all became so low that I just hope I’ll survive enough to quit on my addictions. How lame is that?

*

I need a planner which can grab my ass and make me do whatever I planned to do.

Whenever I have a memento set on my phone, I just hit the “ok” button and continue doing whatever it is that I’m doing.

I admire Britton. I wish my life was in such order.

I keep on making all sorts of lists and plans and then get caught in mundane activities such as eating and drinking and don’t do a thing.

Hello. My name is Liz and I’m an escapist. Hello Liz.

I yearn for order and control, yet all I do is plan and never get to action. “A little less conversation, a little more action please” as Elvis would put it.

I’ve been planning for years. And, see… Even if I do accomplish some things, I don’t feel satisfied, nor feel like I’ve accomplished something. I’m an extremist. It’s all or nothing for me. No road in between. Although I do sometimes get caught up in some huge mind distraction which sort of numbs everything else out and when I accomplish it, I feel like the world is mine.

How strange. How lame. How me. Well I ain’t really lame. Actually I’m pretty cool, well when I’m in shape. And no, not physical shape. Just shape. But right now I’m not in shape. I’m just blabbing, obviously.

Boy, if I get those tickets to England… I dunno what I’ll do.  Would probably jump with joy.

I crave…

I crave for England, I crave for pool, I crave for sunny afternoons. I crave for quietness and… Jeez… I think that’s about it.

END OF RANT

No pictures included.

Last night and this morning there was no connection. None. I panicked. LOL So last night, without a connection, I wrote a crappy piece regarding my addiction to the Internet. Here goes nothing:

I once heard of a kid who died because he just wouldn’t get up from his computer, and played a game for a huge continuous period of time.

Today I’ve met (well met before, but today first discovered) the single young person I know who doesn’t have internet at home. She doesn’t even have a tv. However she does own a computer. She uses it to listen to classical music. LOL

I freaked out. I’m so addicted to the Internet that it’s like a drug to me. The same questions appear when I think of quitting any addiction: What am I gonna do without it? LOL

Truth is the modern media are HUGE time eaters. When I sit down at my computer, I simply do not want to get up. It’s beaten tv, newspapers, books and all sorts of other activity and communication ways by far.

Today everyone’s on facebook, on e-mail, on everything. You can cut connection and start connection with only a click.

I once promised myself I wouldn’t use the computer and the tv set for a whole day and I swear… I’ve done so many things that day that I couldn’t believe it was me doing them.

Funnily enough, in some ways the Internet is a huge time waster, and in the same ways it’s the biggest time saver. As said before, you don’t have to sit around listen to the same moron speakin’ for hours, just because you’re supposed to be there. You’re not supposed to be anywhere… Just a click.

And one of the most important things you get online is a sort of secure privacy. Well, sure, some can access your information, but most can’t. You sit there, alone, and do whatever you please with whomever you please or wherever you please. It’s a privacy I cannot, cannot let go.

The Internet’s always got something for you to do. There’s no such thing as NOTHING to do.

I’d probably be a pretty lazy person if it wasn’t for the Internet too, but I have to admit that it’s made me the laziest person I know.

Right now I’ve got no connection. Someone is messing with it yet again. And that right after my pal told me she had no Internet connection and no tv. LOL

And she was like… Man, I went to bed at 12.30 last night, because I had some things to do… LOL

So I do believe I’ll very soon be in the process of quitting the Internet and probably tv too, although I only watch CSI, but I do sleep with it on. I’m not planning to quit forever, just till I get myself on track. I will not turn my computer on. I just won’t .

Therefore I will be gone for a while. I don’t know exactly if starting today, but very soon anyhew.

And that now, when someone is actually searching for ma name… I bet they’re actually searching for another Liz Madsen, as that’s not even my real name, although Liz is, sort of but hey… Say my name, say my name, when no one is around you… I hope y’all (yes, again, you one person who are reading this) will come back when I do, coz this site ain’t goin’ blank… Look at it as a  summer break, coz it’ll probably last longer than spring break.

As long as the levels of a certain substance get to the point where the brain feels truly pleased… Well that’s about that. So, needless to say, really, if you would find the same pleasure in eatin’ a bucket of popcorn as you do in  riding a roller coaster, the brain wouldn’t care which of the two you’re doing.

I laughed my bum off a few days ago when I realized yet again, through a personal experience, that the brain really doesn’t care. It’s like a kid, really. I’m not trying to be cynical and say everything is strictly chemical. It’s probably not. But when you just sit and observe how chemical things send you from O to hero in a matter of minutes… Well… Yeah. And when you know that there are certain diseases which can make you go from joy to sorrow (for real) and from laughter to tears, in another matter of minutes. I mean, no, really… Ha!

The  bigger the addiction, the bigger the pleasure, the harder they are to replace, of course.

Why can’t you have an addiction that won’t affect you when you lose the stimuli?

(This will be a long one, so bear with me).

Because, as I have previously explained, it’s in our nature to be addicted.

There might be addictive personalities, with certain chemical traits in their systems, but, bottom line is…

We are supposed to be addicted. That’s how we’re designed.

We’re even addicted to water.  Through its definition, the body is addicted to things in order to keep its quality of being alive. So saying addiction is wrong is just as correct as saying breathing is wrong.

I lately started to believe that all things, except for death and illness (although they’re questionable too, as you can bring yer own death and so on) depend on our decision.  What happens to you is your decision. If you decide to work or hunt so you don’t die, that’s your decision. If you drink water so you don’t die nor hurt, that’s your decision. And if you avoid pain in other fields, it’s still your decision, just as much as it is when you chose to take the pain for the advantages are worth it.

It’s hard, I know, to believe that everything is your decision, but I believe it is.

The only rule is… There are no rules. Ha! There’s no control. No, I haven’t discovered hot water, but I feel the need to write this down as most of us know it, but don’t apply it.

All you have control on is the present moment and not even that. As I have said before about the water pouring from my hand. That’s all you get.

Going back to addiction… To elaborate a bit, not that I’m the first one to do it, yet again…

You can’t replace addiction easily, that’s why it hurts. Some parameters have to be present, to replace one’s addiction. They do not need to be equal in form or characteristics of the stimuli you’re addicted to, but they have to be equal in the matter of pleasure intensity and type the addicted one gets from the stimuli.

The brain is often satisfied with being focused on a goal. Or obtaining a certain dose of a substance, regardless of how that happens.

What sometimes stops us from giving the brain a certain dosage of a substance are personal priorities. Such as the priority  of avoiding pain, or the fact that it’s just not worth it when you draw the line.

Have you noticed that when someone you love dies, when you’re in love or when you’ve lost everything, nothing else matters?  That should reveal yet again how powerful the brain is when it’s focused on only one thing. I’ve always believed that if you want to do something well, you should focus on that and only that (well maybe except for the basic needs pyramid thing) until you’ve completed it. It always works like charm.

When addictions aren’t chemically induced in artificial ways, they’re mostly created on pleasures you can’t easily get somewhere else. That’s regarding to what Allen Carr was wondering about the “20 crabs”. Now I’m not trying to vulgarise the subject, nor find the key to everything, jus’ tryin’ to shed some light.

The key words to addiction are: Habit and lack of painless control. If there’s no habit and you control it without pain, then it surely ain’t an addiction.

And now… There are artificial chemical substances which can activate certain substances, such as Prozac, and some may have an extreme brain power so they can fool themselves into believing they’re getting the pleasure somewhere else. And by that I come to the conclusion that addiction cannot be stopped without pain, unless you replace it.

I have recently found that there might, just might, be a possiblity for one to replace addiction with a boom, instead of another addiction. As in… You find the same pleasure somewhere else, but just once, not as a habit. That’s very interesting and I wonder to what extent it works and if it does so without other aids, as on a first thought it does seem to fool the brain. It perhaps works in the sense that you discover you can find the same pleasure elsewhere, with the same ease,  so they cancel each other. Funny, huh?

Addiction is only created through habit and pleasure. Therefore, the earlier you break the habit, the easier it is to get rid of the addiction, even if you don’t replace the pleasure.
I mean… I love amusement parks, but I don’t feel the need to go to one every single day. And even if I’d like it, it’s not a habit. If it were, I might indeed become an adrenaline junkie.

In general, habit’s got a habit of transforming itself into addiction. And addiction appears only through habit. Any sort of habit. Pain however is directly proportional to the pleasure and the advantages obtained from the stimuli.

Also, if the stimuli isn’t unstable (like, par example, a human being), you’ll never feel pain whilst having the addiction. You’ll only feel it when you’ve lost it, obviously.

To conclude, I’d like to note two options, for decreasing the pain when having an unstable stimuli addiction:

1. You can embrace the pain and become imune to it (by accepting it), as  TUZIO would say (although I’d say that if you become imune to the pain, the pleasure might not have the same intensity, as the two are extraordinary only in contrast, and, after all, we’re trying to escape pain, not get used to it, well some of us anyway lol).

2. You can embrace the craving and concentrate on the current advantages and pleasure,  not on the pain.

I must note that one good key to the whole shabang is dettachment. Dettaching yourself into a fine observer. The body and the observer as two separate things, as liberatedself would put it – I think. The body who’s living it, into substances and all sorts of things, and the observer who’s just watching the whole thing and entering the body just when they desire to do so. That’s how you get a better perspective on everything…

So… Dettachment is key.

And an excellent article on how dopamine and addiction go together can be found here.

And another one here.

Hope I haven’t been too foggy today.

Here’s an example of a lovely day…

I am in love… Yeah that’s right. I am in love with Muller Corner Mix. GOOD GOD! I’ve been munchin’ on the crispy yogurt mix for days… I just can’t help myself.  Think it’s the best I’ve ever had. They’re all fabulous, not to speak of the fact that they’re much healthier than lots of crap we eat (even if they probably have too much sugar added)…  And I haven’t yet tried the fruit mix… I so gotta do that… TOMORROW! And can’t wait till I reach the UK so I can try the McVities Corner. MWOW! Hope you grabbed a Muller Corner already and mixed it your way. Simply fab!

I can’t decide if I should write more posts or just make a large one… Hmmm… I’ll write a large one. Anyhow…

Today I had a sort of lovely day. I had KFC for breakfast… Which reminds me to share my version of The Beatles’ “Let it be” with y’all:

When I find myself in times of trouble, Colonel Sanders comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, KFC.
And in my hour of darkness he is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, KFC.

KFC, KFC, KFC, KFC.
Whisper words of wisdom, KFC.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, KFC.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. KFC.

KFC, KFC, …..

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, lKFC.
I wake up to the sound of music, Colonel Sanders comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, KFC.

I always swear it’s the last time I’m having it, but the wings always get to me and I find myself thinking that even if I burst that moment, I still wouldn’t give up on them. Talk about addiction (truth is I don’t have it that often, but they just opened up a place right next to me and they make such good wings that it’s hard not to go ).

And then I moved on to Starbucks to have even a better day… And there I got reminded, through some work application sheets, that if I wouldn’t be doing what it is that I’m doing, I’d sooooooooooo love to work for them…  I do have a feeling that someday I just might do it. I love that place. I love the coffee… I love the spirit. I love the music. I love the cozy chairs. Starbucks… I think I love you.

And then, closer to the evening, I decided to take my mind off things with a massage from a therapist (haven’t had a massage in ages)… I once had this lovely maseuse but she traveled to Turkey for work and decided to stay there. I miss her… But what I felt today was simply amazing… I realized that I can fully relax only after an hour and a half and not after an hour. And it was all done with Clinique Oil which is amazing. My maseuse insisted on not using the Lush massage oil bar ( I’ll never understand why, because that’s awesome too)…

And after I got fully relaxed I realized I now have a sticker on my car’s front shield, put there by an arse who decided I shouldn’t block his entrace (I didn’t even block it, it was like an inch over the line), although he knew where I were and could’ve just told me to move the bloody thing.

But all’s well when it ends well… As I now just had some toast with my favourite toppings… Salami and fresh and soft sheep cheese, and some green onions and a coke… And, of course, dr. Cox.

So there’s pretty much only one last thing I need… LOL Uhmmmmm… Yeah… Another portion of dr. Cox. LOL

May y’all be blessed and have a lurvely evening!

A bientot!