Mmmmmm… Angel. OH LORD.

Meanwhile Angel’s trying to make things right between him and his wife of nine years, a former playmate, after admittedly cheating on her.

p.s. Regardless… WE LOVE YOU ANGEL… MMMMMMM… ANGEL…

Wesley got real cold after getting his throat slashed… And his new attitude towards sex is just awesome. He just got it on with Lilah… And that is indescribably hawt… Tried to search for some videos on youtube, but they’re all on  moosic and made out of fragments, and there’s no dialogue (which is really cool btw, the dialogue I mean). Anyway for further info you gotta see the last episodes of season 3… Yummy !

Besides… One of the lines I already remember is (paraphrasing):

Lilah to Wesley: Don’t think of me when I’m gone.

Wesley to Lilah: I wasn’t thinking about you when you were here…

LOL

Here’s one of the moosic videos from youtube:

(quote from Angel, starring David Boreanaz… Show I’m currently watching. Quote pretty much says it all. LOL Video can be found here, but it takes a while to load… Wortha wait though. LOL)

Today we remember the great Paul Hunter.

She was due to marry long time partner Ryan O’Neal and she’s best known to the public from her role in the tv series “Charlie’s angels”.

RIP, gorgeous.

My favourite angel is… Michael. Not Mr. Madsen this time, lol.

This movie means so much to me, that I can’t even begin to say just how much.

The critics mostly smashed it, but it’s my favourite movie. Or maybe top two.

It’s such a good natured flick. I simply love it and it is part of me.

If I were to speak of it I’d say it shows that human side I’ve been speaking of before. That you’re not supposed to act on earth as you would in Heaven. That even the best natured being will act in different ways when it’s in a human body.

But the movie also shows the other side. The angelic side in all of us. The goodness and beauty.

And it paints all of these with absolutely gorgeous shades of humour and wisdom, simplicity and good will.

They’re all shown in a superb southern american  style.

So I’m not urging y’all who aren’t visiting my blog to see this flick.

I’m just saying I’m spending my lovely afternoon with my other darling Michael.

John Travolta is absolutely awesome in it too! AWESOME!  William Hurt and  Andie MacDowell  are good too.

My favourite quote from it is: “And you just gotta remember, Sparky – no matter what they tell you – you can *never* have too much sugar.“

Lurve it! And must remember to get the soundtrack!

Barista thinks this is sooooooooo boring. How dare you judge someone? How the hell dare you?

Barista also hates the fact that people would prefer their friends to go through exactly what they’re going through, if not more. Is that fairness? I don’t think so. Think it’s ego and fear. If you choose and want to be strong, then be strong without complaining about it. And if you need help, then ask for it, don’t demand or expect it. Nobody’s as “strong” or “smart” or “beautiful” as you… Some are actually weak, dumb and ugly and would like to walk this planet too. Go figure.

Barista needs a massage.

Barista thinks that when you give love, or do something for someone, you should NEVER EVER expect something in return.  Nobody’s forcing you do anything. You choose to.

And to conclude, Barista wants y’all to know that you’re all snakes, not just her, and that “the more people I know, the more I like my dog” does work. Not in all cases though.  For there are people who manage to keep their angelic side above their snake side (thank you for the thought, liberatedself). And to those people Barista bows, for they are strongest.

Barista is a coward.

Barista’s thoughts shouldn’t be associated with the owner of this website’s thoughts. They’re purely fictional. =)

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could surround yourself with a cocoon in which you could just… Just feel it again for real?

I’ve got a token that’s always with me. I won’t say what it is, but it’s something I am not ready to be without, just yet.

I sometimes ask myself when I’ll be ready to let go of my token. I suppose I’m doing that because the memories it brings back are also painful.

But I’d rather take the pain than lose the protection it offers me.

Anyhew, I don’t even know why I’m speaking of this.

The pain is practically not there anymore, but sometimes my brain insists on asking yet again when I am going to lose my token.

Well I don’t know if I’ll ever lose it, I answer. I think having a token is good and nice.

Oh and as one other thought… You might sometimes just wish to hold on to the pain, because you know that losing it means losing an important memory also.

A guy I once met used to say he’s thankful we have the ability to forget and that without it we’d be doomed.

I think we carry along most things and memories, internalized, as part of us. We might not remember, but they’re part of us.

Bad thing is though that there are things, even painful ones, that I just don’t want to forget.

As I have explained the whole thing with the angels (not that I am one) here.

Why have I shared all of this? Because somewhere, out there, you might just remember something from your token and something might go better. Or not.

I just shared it because  today I looked at my token, brought it to my undeserving lips and kissed it. Then held it there for a short while. And for those moments which seemed like ages I let my thoughts flow everywhere… Flow to that misty morning (which might’ve never been) when I stood by the window, covered in my white sweater and perfection, and just watched the rain fall. That morning when “I loved with a love that was more than love.” The morning when I last felt his magic for real. And just for a moment there, all was good again.  One was an angel again. See that way I still carry magic with me. Even if it’s  long gone.

And I’m not willing to let that moment go. It is my moment, part of me, and regardless of anything else, I have lived it. According to Barista, one may be a snake, but also an angel. And right now I may be a snake, but I hold my angel side dear. And I will not quit it, no matter what.

That is my memory and so be it,  for it is mine and nothing, not even Liz, can take that away from me.

“Holly leaves and Christmas trees used to mean so much to me…”

When angels lose their wings, the Heavens weep.

I have promised the angel I’d never use whining to express their grief and sorrow, therefore I trust you to not see the painting as that. Angels don’t whine. Their suffering is stoic and just. A great honor was bestowed upon us and so is their punishment if they shall fail.

When they lose their wings it’s not a question of physical, but of mental pain. Their truth, their whole world colapse.

The painting

There was the angel. Once upon a time they stood strong in the land of the mighty. Now they were flesh. The aura once surrounding their presence easily faded away and they were thrown into a world of storms. Storms they could not control, they could not recognize. They could not bring out the sun to warm up the earth anymore. “And the north wind blew and blew, and the harder he’d blow, the more the man would hold on to his coat, bringing it even closer to his body.”

Their blue eyes once showing the silver lining were now full of tears. Pondering that single moment when they have failed. That moment which made their wings turn into dust.

Now they were sick. Sickeningly human. They could feel all the flaws and the world that was unknown to them until that time.

The face once filled with kindness, now held nothing but grief. Not to losing their wings, but to throwing the truth away.

They realized it was only perception which held everything high or low and that made it even more sickening. For they knew they’d eventually mold into the new world presented to them and forget all about righteousness.  And there was an even larger grief on that, than the grief itself. They’d rather hurt forever and not forget, than comfort the pain.

The pain was well deserved. They knew it and gladly embraced the sorrow as a price for their deeds. But that feeling, that one feeling which made their flesh hurt… It wasn’t their nature. They never wanted to eat the apple. Yet they gave in… And that miserable moment torn apart their greatness.

They would say such sorrow was never known before to man kind but they knew it wasn’t true. Such sorrow was never known to the angel kind.

Lost, in a world that wasn’t theirs, they could only hope that “some other time, and some other place, with love in their hearts and a smile on their face” the other angels would welcome the fallen ones once again and hold them under their wings. Hold them until they’d recover their own. Holding with peace, greatness, joy, and the feeling of belonging. That feeling they now so desperately craved for, in such a humanly way. Circling their presence with a forgiving kindness, which would allow the fallen ones to return to their loved kind.

And that day they fell among us and are now wandering the earth. “Trying to make right what once went wrong.” And with the single thought that maybe, just maybe, someday they’d be back with their own kind.